AJ's first 2 years

Well, it's been a while since I've posted. Perhaps, my following has moved on. I still can't get pictures to upload with this dial up. I think we are going to have to purchase that crazy Hughes.net dealy. AJ is sooo cute. Everyone wants to take him home. He is super funny and a little naughty...that makes him even more funny. He isn't sleeping very well. I don't know if he is "working through" some things during his sleep (that's what Grandmama thinks), or if he is just crying for me because he knows I'll get up with him. Either way, I'm very tired a lot these days. I was rocking him last night and I hold him so that we are looking into each other's eyes. I was trying with all my might to read his little mind. Can you imagine what he must be thinking? Who is this crazy lady who sings off key?.... Or Why did these people bring me to this frozen tundra?...Or I'm not used to this house... Or these people kiss me all the time and drive me crazy!... I can imagine what his life was like his first 2 years, but I don't know for sure. I will never know. I remember holding and feeding and cooing my birth children and them looking at me with love. I had no doubts that they loved me... love me still. They still come to me with hurts and hopes. I am their mama and they know it and we are eternally connected. I want so much for AJ to think of me as his mama. I know that we have bonded quite well. He cries for me and calls me Mama and kisses me, but does he feel the connection like I do? I prayed and prayed for him and though he didn't grow in my womb he grew in my heart. He is really mine. Last night I looked in his eyes and said,"I'm Neoo Neoo's mama"..."Neoo Neoo is mine." And he smiled at me. Hopefully he was really thinking something like...I have a mama...Or, I love it when you rock me....Or, I am happy here...Or, I love you too. Unconditional love... hmmm, it's easy to say you have it for your husband and kids or parents and friends...but it is not put to the test until you love someone with all of your heart and you don't know if they love you back. You have to keep showing it and keep living it and have faith that someday when he is 18 years old and says "I love you Mom" those 3 words will have more meaning than I can possibly imagine, because just like me, AJ's love grew for me in his heart and he will know that we are eternally connected. I am his mama.