Well, it's been a while since I've posted. Perhaps, my following has moved on. I still can't get pictures to upload with this dial up. I think we are going to have to purchase that crazy Hughes.net dealy. AJ is sooo cute. Everyone wants to take him home. He is super funny and a little naughty...that makes him even more funny. He isn't sleeping very well. I don't know if he is "working through" some things during his sleep (that's what Grandmama thinks), or if he is just crying for me because he knows I'll get up with him. Either way, I'm very tired a lot these days. I was rocking him last night and I hold him so that we are looking into each other's eyes. I was trying with all my might to read his little mind. Can you imagine what he must be thinking? Who is this crazy lady who sings off key?.... Or Why did these people bring me to this frozen tundra?...Or I'm not used to this house... Or these people kiss me all the time and drive me crazy!... I can imagine what his life was like his first 2 years, but I don't know for sure. I will never know. I remember holding and feeding and cooing my birth children and them looking at me with love. I had no doubts that they loved me... love me still. They still come to me with hurts and hopes. I am their mama and they know it and we are eternally connected. I want so much for AJ to think of me as his mama. I know that we have bonded quite well. He cries for me and calls me Mama and kisses me, but does he feel the connection like I do? I prayed and prayed for him and though he didn't grow in my womb he grew in my heart. He is really mine. Last night I looked in his eyes and said,"I'm Neoo Neoo's mama"..."Neoo Neoo is mine." And he smiled at me. Hopefully he was really thinking something like...I have a mama...Or, I love it when you rock me....Or, I am happy here...Or, I love you too. Unconditional love... hmmm, it's easy to say you have it for your husband and kids or parents and friends...but it is not put to the test until you love someone with all of your heart and you don't know if they love you back. You have to keep showing it and keep living it and have faith that someday when he is 18 years old and says "I love you Mom" those 3 words will have more meaning than I can possibly imagine, because just like me, AJ's love grew for me in his heart and he will know that we are eternally connected. I am his mama.
Fall!
11 years ago
6 comments:
Hi Heather - very well said. We just have to trust in the Lord that we are doing the right things and one day our kids will just "get" it! I know AJ is very happy with you - maybe except for the frozen tundra thing - and he shows you in little ways everyday! I pray you get some sleep soon. And please get that other internet thingy so I can see some new pictures of him! Travel buddy, Jennifer
Heather-Thank you for commenting on our blog-our little guy is fro the Suzhou city SWI also!! Our Su shulu is almost 3. Maybe they knew each other??!! i love these connections! I plan to check out your trip this weekend and hope that you will follow our journey! God Bless
Jess
Thousand Mile Jouney
I haven't moved on. To my surprise you posted something. It is such a busy time I'm sure. I can sure relate to wishing you could get inside his sweet little head. Well, maybe not so little head :-}. I wish the same thing with Andrew. Andrew doesn't really care to look at Suzhouu pictures but when he sees Neoo Neoo he gets so excited and yells "Neoo Neoo". I'm curious about that since the boys didn't really live together but it is heartwarming nonetheless. I too would love to see some pics.
Oh, Heather! I was just thinking, "I wonder if Heather writes on the blog anymore", maybe because I am wasting time on the internet so that I don't have to fold my laundry! And here you had! You are the best mama! I hope I'm half as good of a mom as you are. It's so apparent how much you love AJ, and I think the love you have for him and the love he has for you will only develop and grow over time. Praying you'll be able to get some rest. And, I totally know what you mean about dial up...sometimes living in the middle of nowhere isn't all it's cracked up to be!!! At least when it comes to technology...
Take care,
Amy
You are always on my list of blogs to check! I may have to wait a while, but they are always worth it : ) Pinch A.J.'s cheeks for me!
Heather,
I have truely loved reading your blog. You have a wonderful way with words. I heard you are homeschooling from your dad. (This is Jenni from Green) If you would like to get together some time Kaliegh is always wanting a new friend. Let me know. My email is schafran@casair.net. You also might want to check out casair, we were able to get them for broadband.
Jenni
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